The Importance of Forgiveness in Living by Godly Principles
The Importance of Forgiveness in Living by Godly Principles
Why Forgiveness Is Essential to the Christian Life and How to Practice It
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” - Ephesians 4:32
Forgiveness stands at the very heart of the Christian faith. It is the foundation of our relationship with God, the key to healthy relationships with others, and essential to our own spiritual and emotional well-being. Yet forgiveness is also one of the most difficult commands God gives us. When someone has wounded us deeply, betrayed our trust, or caused us pain, everything in our flesh cries out for revenge, justice, or at least an apology. We want the offender to suffer as we have suffered, to pay for what they've done, to acknowledge the hurt they've caused. But God calls us to something radically different—to forgive as we have been forgiven.
The importance of forgiveness cannot be overstated. It is not optional for Christians, not a nice suggestion for those who feel particularly spiritual. It is a clear command of God, essential to living according to His principles. Without forgiveness, we cannot maintain right relationship with God. Without forgiveness, our relationships with others become poisoned by bitterness and resentment. Without forgiveness, we become enslaved to the past, unable to experience the freedom and peace God intends for us. Conversely, when we practice forgiveness—though difficult and costly—we experience God's presence in powerful ways, see relationships healed and restored, and find liberation from the prison of unforgiveness.
In this article, we will explore why forgiveness is so essential to the Christian life. We will examine what God's Word teaches about forgiveness, why it matters to God, how unforgiveness harms us, and how we can practice forgiveness even when it seems impossible. Most importantly, we will see that forgiveness is not about excusing sin or pretending we weren't hurt. It is about trusting God to be the judge, releasing our right to revenge, and extending to others the same grace God has extended to us through Jesus Christ.
Why Forgiveness Is Essential to Our Relationship with God
Forgiveness is not peripheral to the Christian faith—it is absolutely central. Let us examine why forgiveness matters so much to God and to our relationship with Him.
We Have Been Forgiven Much
The foundation of Christian forgiveness is that we ourselves have been forgiven by God. Colossians 2:13-14 declares: “And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses; Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross.” Every sin we have ever committed—in thought, word, and deed—was nailed to the cross when Christ died. God has forgiven us completely, totally, and freely. We don't deserve this forgiveness. We couldn't earn it. But God in His mercy has given it through Christ's sacrifice.
Ephesians 1:7 reminds us: “In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace.” Our forgiveness cost God everything—the blood of His Son. It demonstrates the riches of His grace, not anything meritorious in us. 1 John 1:9 promises: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” God stands ready to forgive every time we come to Him in genuine repentance. This is the foundation—we are forgiven people. Therefore, we must be forgiving people. The unlimited forgiveness God extends to us becomes the model for how we treat others.
God Commands Us to Forgive
Forgiveness is not optional or suggested—it is commanded. Matthew 6:14-15 records Jesus saying: “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” This is sobering. Our forgiveness from God is directly connected to our forgiveness of others. This doesn't mean we earn God's forgiveness by forgiving others. Rather, it means that if we truly understand and appreciate how much we've been forgiven, we will forgive others. Unwillingness to forgive reveals we haven't grasped the magnitude of our own forgiveness.
Mark 11:25-26 reinforces this: “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.” Before we even approach God in prayer, we are to forgive those who have wronged us. Unforgiveness creates a barrier in our relationship with God. It hinders our prayers. It prevents us from experiencing God's presence and blessing. Colossians 3:13 commands: “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” The standard for our forgiveness is not whether the offense was minor or whether the person deserves it. The standard is Christ's forgiveness of us.
Unforgiveness Separates Us from God
The parable in Matthew 18:21-35 illustrates the seriousness of unforgiveness. A servant was forgiven an enormous debt by his master, but then refused to forgive a fellow servant a tiny debt. When the master heard about this, he revoked the forgiveness and had the unforgiving servant thrown into prison. Jesus concludes: “So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses” (Matthew 18:35). This is a sobering warning. Refusing to forgive others when we have been forgiven so much by God brings His judgment. It reveals a hard, ungrateful heart that has not truly understood grace.
1 John 4:20 exposes the hypocrisy of claiming to love God while harboring unforgiveness: “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” We cannot maintain bitterness toward another person while claiming to love God. The two are incompatible. Love for God necessarily produces love and forgiveness toward others, even those who have hurt us. If we refuse to forgive, we demonstrate that we don't truly understand or appreciate God's forgiveness of us, and our relationship with Him is compromised.
How Unforgiveness Harms Us
Refusing to forgive doesn't just affect our relationship with God—it also causes tremendous harm to ourselves. Let us examine the destructive consequences of harboring unforgiveness.
Unforgiveness Keeps Us in Bondage
Many people think refusing to forgive gives them power over the person who hurt them. In reality, it gives that person power over them. When we harbor unforgiveness, we chain ourselves to the offense and the offender. We replay the hurt over and over in our minds. We allow past wrongs to control our present emotions and actions. We cannot move forward because we're bound to what happened. Hebrews 12:15 warns: “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” Bitterness is like a root that grows deep, spreading poison throughout our entire being, affecting every area of our lives.
Job 5:2 observes: “For wrath killeth the foolish man, and envy slayeth the silly one.” Anger and resentment don't hurt the person we're angry at—they hurt us. They consume our thoughts, steal our peace, rob our joy, and prevent us from experiencing the abundant life Christ offers. Proverbs 14:30 warns: “A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.” Harboring unforgiveness literally makes us sick—emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. Medical research confirms what Scripture has always taught: bitterness and unforgiveness contribute to stress, anxiety, depression, and physical illness. Conversely, forgiveness brings emotional and physical healing.
Unforgiveness Poisons Our Relationships
When we refuse to forgive, the bitterness doesn't stay contained to one relationship—it spreads to others. Hebrews 12:15 notes that bitterness defiles “many.” An unforgiving spirit makes us cynical, suspicious, and harsh toward others. We project our unresolved anger onto innocent people. We struggle to trust anyone because we've been hurt. Our unforgiveness toward one person poisons our marriages, friendships, and family relationships. We become difficult to live with, quick to take offense, slow to show grace. Proverbs 17:9 teaches: “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.” Continually rehearsing offenses, refusing to let them go, destroys relationships.
Proverbs 15:1 reminds us: “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” When we're full of bitterness, we respond to others harshly, escalating conflicts rather than resolving them. We lose the ability to show compassion, patience, and understanding because we're consumed with our own hurt. This creates a vicious cycle—unforgiveness makes us unpleasant, which damages relationships, which causes more hurt, which increases our bitterness. Breaking this cycle requires the deliberate choice to forgive, releasing the past so we can engage fully in present relationships.
Unforgiveness Gives Satan a Foothold
2 Corinthians 2:10-11 warns about the spiritual danger of unforgiveness: “To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.” Satan uses unforgiveness as a foothold to attack us. When we refuse to forgive, we give him an opening to bring division, bitterness, and destruction into our lives and relationships. He will fan the flames of our hurt, whispering lies that justify our bitterness, keeping us focused on the offense, preventing reconciliation.
Ephesians 4:26-27 commands: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.” Holding onto anger gives the devil a place in our lives. We must deal with offenses quickly, forgiving before bitterness takes root, closing the door on Satan's schemes. 1 Peter 5:8 warns: “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” Satan is looking for vulnerable believers he can attack. Unforgiveness makes us vulnerable. Forgiveness closes the door on his attacks and protects us from his schemes.
How to Practice Biblical Forgiveness
Understanding that we must forgive is one thing. Actually doing it—especially when the hurt is deep—is another. Let us examine how to practice forgiveness in a way that honors God and brings healing.
Understand What Forgiveness Is and Isn't
Forgiveness does not mean pretending the offense didn't happen or that it didn't hurt. It doesn't mean excusing sin or saying what the person did was okay. It doesn't necessarily mean forgetting—some wounds leave scars. It doesn't always mean reconciling, especially if the person is unrepentant or dangerous. It doesn't mean there are no consequences for wrong actions. So what is forgiveness? It is a deliberate decision to release the offender from the debt they owe us, to give up our right to revenge or repayment, to entrust justice to God rather than taking it into our own hands. Romans 12:19 commands: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” Forgiveness means trusting God to be the judge rather than taking that role ourselves.
Proverbs 20:22 instructs: “Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the Lord, and he shall save thee.” We don't seek revenge or repayment. We trust God to handle the situation justly. Deuteronomy 32:35 declares: “To me belongeth vengeance and recompence.” Justice belongs to God, not us. When we forgive, we're not saying the person doesn't deserve punishment. We're acknowledging that God is the righteous Judge who will deal with them appropriately. We release them to God's justice rather than demanding our own. This frees us from the burden of making the offender pay and allows us to move forward in peace.
Make the Choice to Forgive
Forgiveness begins with a deliberate choice of the will, not a feeling. We may not feel like forgiving. We may not feel the person deserves forgiveness. But we choose to obey God's command regardless of our feelings. Joshua 24:15 declares: “Choose you this day whom ye will serve.” Every day, we must choose whether we will serve our flesh—nursing grudges, harboring bitterness—or serve God by extending forgiveness. This choice is often difficult. Our emotions may scream for revenge. But we must decide that God's Word matters more than our feelings, that obedience to Him is more important than satisfying our desire for payback.
Psalm 119:30 affirms: “I have chosen the way of truth: thy judgments have I laid before me.” We choose God's way, even when it's costly. Matthew 16:24 records Jesus saying: “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” Forgiving those who've hurt us deeply is one way we deny ourselves and take up our cross. It costs us our right to revenge, our desire for the offender to suffer, our demand for an apology or acknowledgment. But as we make this choice in obedience to God, He gives us the grace to follow through. Our feelings will eventually follow our obedient choice. We forgive by faith, trusting God to heal our emotions in His timing.
Release the Offense to God
Practically, forgiveness means bringing the offense to God in prayer and deliberately releasing it to Him. We tell God what happened, how it hurt us, and that we're choosing to forgive as He commands. We acknowledge that the person deserves punishment, but we're entrusting them to God's justice rather than seeking our own revenge. 1 Peter 2:23 describes Jesus' example: “Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.” Jesus didn't retaliate or threaten revenge when He was wronged. He committed the situation to His Father, trusting God to judge righteously. We must do the same.
Psalm 55:22 encourages: “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee.” The burden of unforgiveness is heavy. We must cast it upon the Lord, releasing it to Him, trusting Him to sustain us. This may need to be repeated many times. When memories of the offense return and feelings of anger resurface, we bring them to God again, reaffirming our choice to forgive, asking Him to heal our emotions. Philippians 4:6-7 promises: “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” As we repeatedly bring the offense to God and choose forgiveness, His peace guards our hearts.
Pray for the Offender
One powerful way to move toward genuine forgiveness is to pray for the person who hurt us. This seems impossible when we're wounded, but it's transformative. Matthew 5:44 commands: “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” Jesus didn't just command us to tolerate our enemies—He commanded us to actively love them, bless them, do good to them, and pray for them. This is radical, counter-intuitive, and supernatural. We cannot do it in our own strength. But as we obey, asking God to bless and help the person who hurt us, something changes in our hearts.
Luke 6:27-28 reinforces: “But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.” Praying for those who've wronged us softens our hearts. It's difficult to maintain bitterness toward someone we're genuinely praying for. It reminds us that they, like us, are sinners in need of God's grace. It shifts our focus from what they've done to us to their need for God. Romans 12:20-21 instructs: “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” We overcome evil not by returning evil but by actively doing good, even to those who've harmed us.
The Blessings of Forgiveness
While forgiveness is costly, it also brings tremendous blessings. Let us examine the fruit of choosing to forgive as God commands.
Forgiveness Brings Freedom
John 8:32 promises: “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” The truth is that forgiveness, not revenge, brings freedom. When we forgive, we're no longer enslaved to the past. We're no longer controlled by the offense or the offender. We're free to move forward, to experience joy again, to engage fully in present relationships without the poison of bitterness. Galatians 5:1 declares: “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.” Christ has set us free from sin's bondage. We must not return to bondage by harboring unforgiveness. Forgiveness maintains the freedom Christ purchased for us.
2 Corinthians 3:17 affirms: “Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” When we obey God's command to forgive, we experience His Spirit's presence and the liberty He brings. Psalm 32:1-2 declares: “Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man unto whom the Lord imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile.” As we extend to others the forgiveness God has given us, we experience the blessing and freedom of a clear conscience and unhindered fellowship with God. The weight of bitterness lifts. Peace replaces turmoil. Joy returns. This is the fruit of forgiveness.
Forgiveness Opens the Door to Reconciliation
While forgiveness doesn't always lead to reconciliation (especially if the offender is unrepentant), it opens the door to that possibility. 2 Corinthians 5:18 tells us God has given us “the ministry of reconciliation.” As those who have been reconciled to God, we should pursue reconciliation with others wherever possible. Romans 12:18 instructs: “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” As far as it depends on us, we should seek peace. Forgiveness is the first step. It removes the barrier of bitterness from our side, making reconciliation possible if the other person is willing.
Matthew 5:23-24 commands: “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.” God values reconciliation so highly that He tells us to interrupt our worship to pursue it. When we forgive and seek reconciliation, we create the possibility for relationships to be healed, for fellowship to be restored, for God to be glorified through transformed relationships. Even when full reconciliation isn't possible, our forgiveness allows us to relate to others with grace rather than bitterness, creating peace rather than perpetuating conflict.
Choose Forgiveness Today
Forgiveness is not easy. It costs us something. But unforgiveness costs us far more—our peace, our joy, our freedom, our fellowship with God, and our witness to others. If you are holding onto bitterness, harboring resentment, nursing grudges, or refusing to forgive someone who has wronged you, God calls you today to release it. He doesn't minimize your hurt or excuse the offense. He doesn't ask you to pretend it didn't happen. But He does command you to forgive as you have been forgiven. Choose today to obey Him. Bring the offense to Him in prayer. Tell Him how it hurt you. Then deliberately release it to Him, choosing to forgive, entrusting justice to God rather than demanding your own revenge. Pray for the person who hurt you. Ask God to help you love them, bless them, and do good to them as He commands. As you do this, you will experience the supernatural peace that comes from obedience, the freedom that comes from releasing bitterness, and the joy that comes from walking in God's ways. This is living by godly principles—not holding grudges but extending grace, not seeking revenge but trusting God's justice, not remaining enslaved to the past but walking in the freedom Christ purchased for you. Choose forgiveness today, and experience the blessings God promises to those who obey Him.