The Importance of Forgiveness
The Importance of Forgiveness
Why Forgiving Others Is Essential to Your Spiritual Health and Freedom
“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” - Matthew 6:14-15
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful yet difficult commands in all of Scripture. When someone has wounded us deeply—betrayed our trust, slandered our name, abused our kindness, or caused us pain—everything within us cries out for justice, revenge, or at least an acknowledgment of the wrong. We want the offender to suffer as we have suffered, to understand the hurt they've caused, to pay for what they've done. The last thing our flesh wants to do is forgive. Yet God's Word is clear and uncompromising: we must forgive those who wrong us, just as God has forgiven us through Christ. This is not a suggestion or a nice idea for mature believers. It is a command that applies to every Christian without exception.
The importance of forgiveness cannot be overstated. It stands at the very center of the Christian faith. The gospel itself is a message of forgiveness—God forgiving sinners through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Every Christian has experienced the miracle of divine forgiveness. We who deserve eternal condemnation have been freely pardoned and reconciled to God. Having received such overwhelming mercy, we are commanded to extend that same mercy to others. Forgiveness is not optional for Christians. It is essential to our relationship with God, our emotional and spiritual health, and our witness to the world. When we refuse to forgive, we poison ourselves with bitterness, hinder our prayers, damage our relationships, and demonstrate that we have not truly grasped the magnitude of God's forgiveness toward us.
In this comprehensive study, we will explore what God's Word teaches about forgiveness. We will examine why forgiveness is so central to the Christian life, what happens when we refuse to forgive, what true biblical forgiveness looks like, and how we can practically extend forgiveness even to those who have hurt us most deeply. Most importantly, we will see that forgiveness, though costly and difficult, brings tremendous blessing and freedom to those who practice it. God does not ask us to do the impossible. He gives us the grace and power to forgive through His Holy Spirit. As we learn to forgive as Christ forgave us, we will experience deeper intimacy with God, greater peace and joy, and the satisfaction of reflecting our Savior's character to a watching world.
God Commands Us to Forgive
Forgiveness is not merely suggested in Scripture—it is explicitly commanded. Let us examine what God's Word says about our obligation to forgive others.
Our Forgiveness Depends on Forgiving Others
Matthew 6:14-15 contains one of the most sobering statements in all of Scripture: “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” This is not a parable or a metaphor—it is a direct statement from Jesus about the connection between our forgiveness of others and God's forgiveness of us. Does this mean we earn God's forgiveness by forgiving others? No. We are saved by grace through faith, not by works (Ephesians 2:8-9). However, this verse teaches that if we truly understand and appreciate how much we have been forgiven, we will forgive others. An unforgiving spirit reveals that we haven't grasped the magnitude of our own sin or the enormity of God's grace toward us.
Mark 11:25-26 reinforces this teaching: “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.” Notice that this command is given in the context of prayer. Before we approach God to ask Him for anything, we are to examine our hearts and forgive anyone who has wronged us. Unforgiveness creates a barrier between us and God. It hinders our prayers and prevents us from experiencing the fullness of fellowship with Him. We cannot come into God's presence harboring bitterness toward another person and expect Him to hear us.
Luke 6:37 commands: “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.” This is a clear directive, not a suggestion. We are commanded to forgive. Colossians 3:13 adds: “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” The standard for our forgiveness is not whether the offense was minor or whether the person deserves it. The standard is Christ's forgiveness of us. Just as He forgave us freely, completely, and without condition, we must forgive others.
We Must Forgive Repeatedly and Completely
In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asked Jesus: “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” Peter thought he was being generous by suggesting forgiving someone seven times. But Jesus' response—seventy times seven, or 490 times—was not meant to establish a precise count. It meant we should forgive without limit, as many times as we are wronged. God does not keep a record of how many times He has forgiven us, and neither should we keep count of how many times we forgive others. True forgiveness is unlimited, just as God's forgiveness toward us is unlimited.
Ephesians 4:32 instructs: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” We are to be kind and tenderhearted, not harsh and judgmental. We are to forgive others in the same way God has forgiven us—completely, freely, and graciously. Romans 12:19 adds: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” We must not seek revenge or take justice into our own hands. Vengeance belongs to God alone. Our responsibility is to forgive and to trust God to handle the situation justly.
The Consequences of Unforgiveness
Refusing to forgive brings serious consequences, both spiritually and emotionally. Let us examine what happens when we harbor unforgiveness in our hearts.
Unforgiveness Brings God's Judgment
The parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-35 illustrates the seriousness of refusing to forgive. A servant owed his master an enormous debt—ten thousand talents, equivalent to millions of dollars. When he begged for mercy, the master forgave the entire debt. But then this same servant found a fellow servant who owed him a tiny amount—a hundred pence, equivalent to a few dollars. Despite having just been forgiven millions, he refused to forgive this small debt and had the man thrown in prison. When the master heard about this, he revoked his forgiveness and had the unforgiving servant tortured until he paid everything he owed. Jesus concluded: “So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses” (Matthew 18:35). This is a sobering warning. God takes unforgiveness very seriously.
This parable reveals the magnitude of our debt before God. Every sin we commit—in thought, word, or deed—deserves eternal punishment. We owe God a debt we could never repay. Yet through Christ's death on the cross, God has forgiven us completely. When we refuse to forgive others the relatively small offenses they commit against us, we demonstrate shocking ingratitude and hypocrisy. We are like the servant who was forgiven millions but refused to forgive a few dollars. This kind of hardness brings God's judgment. James 2:13 warns: “For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment.” If we show no mercy to others, we will receive no mercy ourselves.
Unforgiveness Keeps Us in Bondage
Many people think refusing to forgive gives them power over the person who hurt them. In reality, it gives that person power over them. When we harbor unforgiveness, we chain ourselves to the offense and the offender. We replay the hurt over and over in our minds. We cannot stop thinking about what was done to us. The offense consumes our thoughts, steals our peace, and controls our emotions. We become prisoners of the past, unable to move forward or experience joy. Hebrews 12:15 warns: “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” Bitterness is like a poisonous root that grows deep in our hearts, spreading its toxin throughout our entire being and eventually affecting everyone around us.
Job 5:2 observes: “For wrath killeth the foolish man, and envy slayeth the silly one.” Anger and resentment don't hurt the person we're angry at nearly as much as they hurt us. They consume us from the inside. Proverbs 14:30 states: “A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.” Medical research has confirmed what Scripture has always taught—harboring bitterness and unforgiveness contributes to high blood pressure, heart disease, depression, anxiety, and other health problems. Conversely, forgiveness brings emotional and physical healing. When we choose to forgive, we break the chains that bind us to the past and experience the freedom that comes from letting go.
Unforgiveness Gives Satan a Foothold
2 Corinthians 2:10-11 warns about the spiritual danger of unforgiveness: “To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also: for if I forgave any thing, to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.” When we refuse to forgive, we give Satan an opening to attack us. He will fan the flames of our hurt, whisper lies that justify our bitterness, keep us focused on the offense, and prevent reconciliation. Unforgiveness is one of Satan's most effective tools for destroying Christians and damaging the church.
Ephesians 4:26-27 commands: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.” We must deal with offenses quickly, forgiving before bitterness takes root. When we allow anger to fester overnight and unforgiveness to harden our hearts, we give the devil a foothold in our lives. 1 Peter 5:8 warns: “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” Satan is looking for vulnerable believers he can attack. Unforgiveness makes us vulnerable. It opens a door for demonic oppression, strife, and destruction in our lives and relationships.
What True Forgiveness Looks Like
Many people misunderstand what biblical forgiveness actually means. Let us clarify what forgiveness is and what it is not.
Forgiveness Is a Choice, Not a Feeling
Forgiveness begins with a deliberate decision of the will, not an emotion. We may not feel like forgiving. The pain may be too fresh, the wound too deep. But we choose to obey God's command regardless of our feelings. Joshua 24:15 declares: “Choose you this day whom ye will serve.” Every day, we must choose whether we will serve our flesh—nursing grudges and harboring bitterness—or serve God by extending forgiveness. This choice is often extremely difficult. Our emotions may scream for revenge. But we decide that God's Word matters more than our feelings, that obedience to Him is more important than satisfying our desire for payback. As we make this choice in faith, God gives us the grace to follow through, and our feelings eventually catch up with our obedient will.
Psalm 119:30 affirms: “I have chosen the way of truth: thy judgments have I laid before me.” We choose God's way even when it costs us something. Matthew 16:24 records Jesus saying: “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” Forgiving those who have deeply wounded us is one way we deny ourselves and take up our cross. It costs us our right to revenge, our desire for the offender to suffer, our demand for justice or an apology. But as we make this sacrifice in obedience to God, we find that He gives us supernatural grace and peace.
Forgiveness Means Releasing the Debt
Biblical forgiveness means releasing the offender from the debt they owe us. It means giving up our right to repayment, revenge, or even an apology. It means choosing to trust God to be the judge rather than taking that role ourselves. Romans 12:19 commands: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” When we forgive, we're not saying the person doesn't deserve punishment. We're acknowledging that God is the righteous Judge who will deal with them appropriately. We release them to God's justice rather than demanding our own. This frees us from the burden of trying to make the offender pay and allows us to move forward in peace.
Proverbs 20:22 instructs: “Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the Lord, and he shall save thee.” We don't seek revenge. We wait on the Lord and trust Him to handle the situation. Deuteronomy 32:35 declares: “To me belongeth vengeance and recompence.” Justice belongs to God, not to us. Leviticus 19:18 commands: “Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord.” We must not hold grudges or seek revenge. Instead, we love our neighbor, trusting God to be the righteous Judge.
Forgiveness Does Not Mean Excusing Sin or Trusting Foolishly
Forgiveness does not mean pretending the offense didn't happen or that it didn't hurt. It doesn't mean saying what the person did was acceptable or excusing their sin. It doesn't necessarily mean forgetting—some wounds leave scars. It doesn't always mean reconciliation or restoring the relationship, especially if the person is unrepentant or dangerous. It doesn't mean there should be no consequences for wrong actions. We can forgive someone while still allowing them to face the natural or legal consequences of their behavior. We can forgive someone while maintaining appropriate boundaries to protect ourselves from further harm. Living out our faith means exercising both forgiveness and wisdom.
Proverbs 26:11 warns: “As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.” Some people continue in destructive patterns. We can forgive them without putting ourselves in position to be repeatedly hurt. Proverbs 22:3 teaches: “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.” Wisdom requires that we protect ourselves from known danger. We can forgive an abuser without returning to an abusive relationship. We can forgive someone who stole from us without giving them access to our finances again. Forgiveness releases bitterness from our hearts; wisdom protects us from foolish decisions.
How to Forgive in Practice
Understanding that we must forgive is one thing. Actually doing it when we've been deeply wounded is another. Let us examine practical steps for extending forgiveness.
Acknowledge the Hurt Honestly Before God
The first step in forgiving is to be honest with God about how deeply we've been hurt. We don't have to pretend we're fine or minimize the offense. The Psalms are filled with honest prayers where David poured out his pain, anger, and desire for justice to God. Psalm 55:4-5 says: “My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me.” David didn't hide his emotions from God. Neither should we. We can bring our hurt, our anger, our pain to the Lord, knowing that He understands and cares. Psalm 62:8 invites: “Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us.”
1 Peter 5:7 instructs: “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” We can cast all our burdens on the Lord, including the burden of being wronged. Psalm 34:18 promises: “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” God draws near to us in our pain. We don't have to stuff our emotions or pretend everything is fine. We can be completely honest with God about how much the offense hurt us. This honesty is the beginning of healing.
Make the Decision to Forgive
After acknowledging the hurt, we must make a deliberate choice to forgive. This is an act of the will, a decision to obey God regardless of how we feel. We tell God in prayer: “Lord, this person hurt me deeply. They deserve punishment. But I choose to forgive them as You command. I release them from the debt they owe me. I will not seek revenge. I trust You to be the judge. Please give me Your grace to follow through with this decision.” This prayer doesn't mean the pain instantly disappears or that we'll never think about the offense again. It means we've made the choice to forgive, and we're trusting God to heal our emotions in His timing.
Philippians 4:13 promises: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” We cannot forgive in our own strength, especially when the wound is deep. But Christ gives us supernatural strength to obey His commands. 2 Corinthians 12:9 assures us: “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” When we feel too weak to forgive, God's grace is sufficient. His strength is perfected in our weakness.
Pray for Your Enemy
One of the most powerful steps in forgiveness is to pray for the person who hurt you. This seems impossible when you're wounded, but it's transformative. Matthew 5:44 commands: “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” Jesus didn't just command us to tolerate our enemies—He commanded us to actively love them, bless them, do good to them, and pray for them. This is radical and supernatural. We cannot do it in our own strength. But as we obey, asking God to bless and help the person who hurt us, something remarkable happens in our hearts. The bitterness begins to dissolve.
Luke 6:27-28 reinforces: “But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.” It's difficult to maintain bitterness toward someone you're genuinely praying for. Prayer shifts our focus from what they did to us to their need for God's grace. Romans 12:20-21 instructs: “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” We overcome evil not by returning evil but by actively doing good.
Repeat the Choice When Memories Return
Forgiveness is not always a one-time event. Painful memories may resurface. Feelings of anger or hurt may return. When this happens, we don't have to question whether we truly forgave. We simply bring the offense to God again, reaffirming our choice to forgive, asking Him to heal our emotions. Philippians 4:6-7 promises: “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” As we repeatedly bring the offense to God and choose forgiveness, His peace guards our hearts and minds.
Psalm 55:22 encourages: “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” Every time painful memories return, we cast that burden on the Lord again. He sustains us and keeps us from being moved. Isaiah 26:3 promises: “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” As we keep our minds focused on God rather than on the offense, He keeps us in perfect peace.
Experience the Freedom of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not easy. It costs us something—our right to revenge, our demand for justice, our desire to see the offender suffer. But unforgiveness costs us far more. It steals our peace, destroys our joy, damages our health, hinders our prayers, and separates us from God. Most importantly, refusing to forgive reveals that we haven't truly grasped how much we ourselves have been forgiven. Every sin we've ever committed—in thought, word, or deed—deserved eternal punishment. Yet God, through the death of His Son on the cross, has forgiven us completely. Having been forgiven so much, how can we refuse to forgive the relatively small offenses others commit against us? If you are harboring unforgiveness, nursing a grudge, or refusing to let go of bitterness, God calls you today to forgive. Choose obedience over feelings. Trust God to be the judge. Pray for those who've hurt you. Release the offense to God and experience the freedom, peace, and joy that come from walking in obedience to His Word. Forgiveness doesn't change the past, but it radically transforms your future. Choose forgiveness today and experience the blessing God promises to those who obey Him. As Colossians 3:13 reminds us: “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”