5 Powerful Tips for Living by Godly Principles in Your Marriage
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5 Powerful Tips for Living by Godly Principles in Your Marriage
Building a Christ-Centered Marriage That Reflects God's Design and Glory
Marriage is simultaneously one of God's greatest gifts and one of life's greatest challenges. When two imperfect people commit to sharing their lives, conflicts are inevitable, disappointments will occur, and selfishness will rear its head. Yet within this very human institution, God has embedded a profound spiritual reality—marriage is designed to reflect the relationship between Christ and His church, demonstrating sacrificial love, covenant faithfulness, and the beauty of two becoming one.
The difference between marriages that thrive and those that merely survive often comes down to one critical factor: whether the couple builds their relationship on godly principles or worldly wisdom. Our culture offers countless approaches to marriage—some emphasizing personal fulfillment, others focusing on compatibility, many prioritizing feelings above all else. But God's design for marriage, revealed in Scripture, offers something far more solid: principles that transcend culture, withstand trials, and produce genuine flourishing for both partners.
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."
— Ephesians 5:25-28 (ESV)
Living by godly principles in marriage isn't about following rigid rules that restrict joy—it's about aligning your relationship with the wisdom of the One who created marriage. When you build your marriage on God's principles, you tap into divine resources: supernatural love that enables you to serve when you'd rather be served, grace that covers failures, forgiveness that breaks cycles of bitterness, and power that sustains commitment when feelings fade.
These five tips aren't merely good advice—they're biblical principles that have strengthened marriages for millennia. They address the core issues every couple faces and provide practical pathways to experiencing the marriage God intends for you.
The Foundation: God's Design for Marriage
Before we explore the five practical tips, we must understand God's original design for marriage. In Genesis 2:18-24, we see God create Eve as a "helper fit" for Adam—not inferior, but complementary. God declares, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). This union involves leaving (separating from parents), cleaving (bonding to spouse), and becoming one (intimate unity).
Marriage is a covenant relationship—not merely a contract based on mutual benefit, but a sacred commitment made before God and reflecting His covenant faithfulness toward His people. In Malachi 2:14, God calls the wife "your companion and your wife by covenant." Covenants aren't broken when circumstances become difficult; they're honored regardless of circumstances because they're grounded in God's unchanging character, not our changing feelings.
Paul reveals marriage's ultimate purpose in Ephesians 5:31-32: after quoting Genesis 2:24, he adds, "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." Your marriage isn't ultimately about you and your spouse—it's a living illustration of Christ's relationship with His church. This elevates marriage from a private arrangement to a public testimony, from a human institution to a spiritual picture of divine love.
5 Powerful Tips for Godly Marriage
1. Make Christ the Center of Your Marriage, Not Just an Addition to It
The first and most foundational tip for living by godly principles in your marriage is to make Christ the actual center—not an optional add-on or Sunday accessory. Many Christian couples make the mistake of having a "marriage + God" approach, where they build their relationship on cultural norms and then sprinkle some spiritual elements on top. But a truly godly marriage has Christ at the center, with every other aspect of the relationship flowing from that core.
Jesus Himself taught this principle: "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" (Matthew 6:33). When you seek God's kingdom first in your marriage—prioritizing His will, His glory, and His design—everything else finds its proper place. Your conflicts become opportunities for grace. Your differences become chances to display Christlike humility. Your intimacy becomes a reflection of covenantal love.
What does it practically mean to make Christ central? It means your primary goal shifts from personal happiness to honoring God. Don't misunderstand—God wants you to experience joy in marriage. But when happiness becomes the goal rather than holiness, marriages become fragile, dependent entirely on circumstances and feelings. When honoring Christ becomes the goal, your marriage gains stability that transcends circumstances because it's rooted in something unchanging.
Christ-centered marriages pray together regularly. Not just quick blessings over meals, but genuine prayer where you bring your concerns, confess your failures, seek guidance for decisions, and intercede for each other. Praying together creates spiritual intimacy that deepens your bond and invites God's active involvement in your relationship. As the saying goes, "The couple that prays together stays together"—not because prayer is magic, but because it keeps both partners accountable to God and dependent on His power.
Practical Application: Establish a consistent rhythm of spiritual practices together: morning or evening prayer, regular Scripture reading as a couple, attending church together and discussing the sermon afterward, and serving together in ministry. Make decisions by first asking "What does God want?" rather than "What do we prefer?" When conflicts arise, invite Jesus into the conversation by asking "How would Christ want us to handle this?" Your marriage will be transformed when you consistently prioritize God's perspective over your own preferences.
2. Practice Sacrificial Love That Mirrors Christ's Love for the Church
The second tip is to practice sacrificial love that mirrors how Christ loves His church. This principle applies to both spouses but is particularly emphasized for husbands in Ephesians 5:25: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." This isn't the romanticized "love" our culture celebrates—it's costly, self-denying, intentional love that seeks the other's highest good regardless of personal cost.
How did Christ love the church? He didn't wait for the church to become worthy of His love; He loved while we were "still sinners" (Romans 5:8). He didn't love based on feelings or reciprocation; He "set his face like flint" (Isaiah 50:7) toward the cross despite knowing the cost. He didn't love with mere words; He demonstrated love through sacrifice. He didn't abandon the church when she failed; He intercedes for her continually (Hebrews 7:25). This is the model for marital love.
Sacrificial love in marriage means choosing your spouse's good over your comfort. It means initiating reconciliation even when you're not the primary offender. It means speaking words that build up rather than winning arguments. It means serving in practical ways—helping with chores, listening when tired, making time despite busyness. It means remaining faithful and committed even when marriage becomes hard and your spouse isn't meeting your expectations.
Peter instructs wives: "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct" (1 Peter 3:1-2). This submission isn't about inferiority but about order within the covenant relationship. It's choosing to honor and support your husband's leadership, trusting God to work through that structure even when it's difficult. And for husbands, loving sacrificially means using your leadership to serve, protect, and nurture your wife, never to dominate or control.
Practical Application: Each week, ask yourself: "How have I sacrificed for my spouse this week? Where have I prioritized my comfort over their needs?" Look for specific ways to demonstrate Christlike love: do a chore they normally handle without being asked, give up your preferences for something they enjoy, speak words of affirmation even when you don't feel particularly loving. Remember, genuine love is a choice and an action, not just a feeling. When both spouses compete to out-serve each other rather than competing for their own way, marriage flourishes.
3. Commit to Honest, Grace-Filled Communication
The third tip for living by godly principles in your marriage is to commit to honest, grace-filled communication. Poor communication destroys more marriages than almost any other factor. Yet Scripture provides clear guidance for how believers—especially spouses—should communicate with one another. Paul writes: "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another" (Ephesians 4:25).
Notice the balance: speak truth (honesty) with your neighbor (which certainly includes your spouse) because you're members of one another (relationship and grace). Godly communication isn't harsh truth without grace, which wounds unnecessarily. Neither is it grace without truth, which avoids necessary conversations and allows problems to fester. It's truth spoken in love (Ephesians 4:15), combining honesty with kindness.
Paul continues with specific instructions: "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:29-32).
This passage provides a comprehensive communication framework for marriage. Avoid corrupting talk—words that tear down, criticize harshly, or express contempt. Instead, speak words that build up and give grace. Put away bitterness (harboring resentment), wrath (explosive anger), anger (settled hostility), clamor (loud arguing), and slander (speaking evil). Replace these with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness.
Honest, grace-filled communication also means learning to listen—really listen—to understand rather than to formulate your response. James instructs: "Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19). Most marriage conflicts escalate because both partners are quick to speak and slow to hear. When you prioritize understanding your spouse's perspective before defending your own, you create space for resolution rather than escalation.
Practical Application: Establish communication ground rules based on Scripture: no name-calling or contemptuous language, no bringing up past forgiven offenses, no yelling or storming out of conversations, no giving the silent treatment. When discussing difficult topics, use "I feel" statements rather than "You always" accusations. Practice active listening by repeating back what you heard before responding. And remember Proverbs 15:1: "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Your tone and timing matter as much as your words. Pray before difficult conversations, asking God for wisdom, self-control, and genuine desire for resolution rather than winning.
4. Extend and Receive Forgiveness Freely and Fully
The fourth tip is to extend and receive forgiveness freely and fully. No matter how compatible you are or how much you love each other, you will hurt one another. You'll speak thoughtless words, act selfishly, fail to meet expectations, and disappoint each other. Without a robust practice of forgiveness, these inevitable offenses accumulate into walls of bitterness that destroy intimacy and erode the marriage foundation.
Scripture is unambiguous about the necessity of forgiveness in relationships. Paul writes: "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32). Notice the standard: as God forgave you. How has God forgiven you? Completely, immediately upon confession, without holding the forgiven sin over your head, without making you earn restoration, and for sins far greater than any your spouse has committed against you.
Jesus emphasizes forgiveness's importance in marriage through His parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35). When Peter asked how many times he should forgive his brother—suggesting seven times as generous—Jesus responded: "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times" (Matthew 18:22). The point isn't to literally count to 490, but to cultivate an attitude of unlimited forgiveness. In marriage, where you'll repeatedly offend each other in similar ways as you struggle with the same character weaknesses, this unlimited forgiveness is essential.
But forgiveness isn't just something you extend; it's also something you must be willing to receive. Pride often makes it harder to acknowledge our failures and accept forgiveness than to grant it. When your spouse extends forgiveness, receive it graciously. Don't wallow in guilt or repeatedly apologize for the same forgiven offense. Accept the grace offered, just as you accept God's forgiveness—with gratitude and the commitment to change.
Colossians 3:13 adds an important dimension: "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." "Bearing with" means extending patience with ongoing weaknesses, not just forgiving one-time offenses. Your spouse will have persistent flaws that annoy you. Godly love bears with these patiently while trusting God to work transformation, rather than constantly criticizing or demanding immediate perfection.
Practical Application: When your spouse sins against you, choose to forgive rather than nursing the offense. This doesn't mean pretending it didn't happen or that it didn't hurt—it means choosing not to hold it against them. If the offense is significant, have a conversation where you express how you were hurt, but ultimately extend forgiveness. Don't bring up past forgiven sins during arguments. If you're the offender, genuinely apologize without excuses, ask for forgiveness, and commit to change. Then accept the forgiveness offered without continuing to punish yourself. Remember, your ability to forgive flows from remembering how much you've been forgiven by God through Christ's sacrifice.
5. Intentionally Invest in Your Marriage Above Other Priorities
The fifth tip for living by godly principles in your marriage is to intentionally invest in your relationship above other priorities (except your relationship with God). One of the enemy's most effective strategies against marriages isn't dramatic temptation—it's gradual neglect. Couples get busy with careers, children, church activities, hobbies, and other good things, slowly drifting apart until they're essentially roommates sharing space but not lives.
Jesus taught about priority in the parable of the wedding feast (Matthew 22:1-14). When invited guests made excuses based on legitimate concerns—business, property, family—they missed the feast. Similarly, many marriages suffer not because couples choose evil over good, but because they allow good things to crowd out the best thing—their marriage. Solomon captures this urgency: "Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 9:9).
Investing in your marriage means protecting it from legitimate demands that threaten to consume all your time and energy. It means scheduling regular date nights and treating them as sacred appointments, not optional activities to cancel when something else comes up. It means prioritizing sexual intimacy, which Paul calls a mutual responsibility: "The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:3). It means meaningful conversation beyond logistics about schedules and children.
Genesis 2:24 provides the blueprint: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." "Hold fast" translates a Hebrew word meaning to cling, to pursue ardently, to be joined firmly. This isn't passive—it's active, intentional pursuit of unity. You must consciously choose to hold fast to your spouse amid all the forces pulling you apart: busy schedules, financial pressures, parenting demands, career ambitions, extended family expectations, and personal interests.
Investing in your marriage also means continuing to pursue growth together. Attend marriage conferences or retreats. Read marriage books together and discuss them. Meet regularly with other godly couples who model strong marriages. Seek counseling when needed rather than waiting until crisis forces it. Just as you wouldn't expect physical health without eating well and exercising, you can't expect marriage health without intentional investment.
Practical Application: Evaluate your calendar and priorities. Are you investing more time and energy in your career, hobbies, children, or other pursuits than in your marriage? Schedule weekly date nights (even if it's just a walk together after the kids are in bed). Have regular conversations about your relationship itself—not just logistics. Protect your marriage from over-commitment by learning to say no to good opportunities that would leave no margin for your spouse. Make physical intimacy a priority, not something that happens only when you're not too tired. And periodically take inventory: "What's the state of our marriage? What needs attention? Where can we grow?" Don't wait for crisis to invest in what matters most.
A Marriage Transformed by Godly Principles
David and Rachel Martinez had what looked like a strong Christian marriage from the outside. They attended church regularly, served in ministry, and maintained friendly interactions. But privately, their marriage was dying. After 12 years of marriage and three children, they had drifted into a pattern of coexistence rather than partnership. They rarely fought—but they rarely connected either. Conversations centered on logistics. Affection had become perfunctory. The intimacy and friendship that once defined their relationship had evaporated under the weight of parenting responsibilities, career demands, and sheer exhaustion.
Neither considered divorce—their faith wouldn't allow it—but both had resigned themselves to a mediocre marriage. This is what marriage becomes, they assumed. The passion and closeness fade, and you just endure until the kids leave home. They were functional roommates managing a household, not lovers building a life together.
The wake-up call came during a church marriage retreat they attended mainly because they were asked to help with childcare. During a session on sacrificial love, the speaker described marriages where both partners are primarily concerned with what they're receiving rather than what they're giving. David realized this described their marriage perfectly. Both he and Rachel had developed mental lists of how the other was failing them, constantly evaluating whether the other was meeting expectations rather than focusing on loving sacrificially.
That evening, in their hotel room, they had the most honest conversation of their marriage. Both confessed how disconnected they felt and how they'd stopped truly investing in their relationship. They acknowledged how their marriage had become about everything except each other—the children, the house, their ministries, their jobs—with nothing left over for the relationship itself. And they agreed that settling for mediocrity wasn't God's design for marriage.
They committed to implementing the godly principles they'd been taught. They began praying together each evening after the children were in bed—awkwardly at first, but increasingly naturally as it became routine. They established a weekly date night, hiring a regular babysitter and treating it as a non-negotiable commitment. They worked on communication, establishing ground rules about tone and timing for difficult conversations. They practiced forgiveness for accumulated small hurts they'd been nursing. And they stopped waiting for the other to change first, each focusing on their own obedience to God rather than their spouse's failures.
The transformation didn't happen overnight. Old patterns don't disappear immediately. But gradually, over months and years of consistent application of these godly principles, their marriage was rebuilt. The friendship returned. The affection resumed. The intimacy deepened. They began to experience what marriage could be when built on God's design rather than merely cultural expectations or personal preferences.
Now, 15 years later, David and Rachel lead marriage ministry at their church, helping other couples discover what they learned: that God's principles for marriage aren't restrictive rules but liberating truths that unlock the relationship's full potential. Their marriage isn't perfect—they still have conflicts, disappointments, and challenges. But they've learned to navigate those challenges using godly principles rather than worldly wisdom, and their marriage has become a testimony to the transforming power of God's design.
Implementing Godly Principles in Your Marriage
1. Schedule a Marriage Check-In: Set aside time with your spouse to honestly discuss the state of your marriage. Ask each other: "On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate our marriage right now? What would move us closer to 10? What's one thing I could do differently that would help you feel more loved?" Approach this conversation with humility and genuine desire to understand, not to defend yourself or criticize.
2. Establish Spiritual Rhythms Together: If you're not already praying and reading Scripture together, start with something simple: five minutes of prayer together before bed three nights a week. Gradually increase as it becomes natural. Discuss the sermon each Sunday over lunch. Read a Christian marriage book together. The goal is consistent spiritual connection, not elaborate practices you'll abandon after two weeks.
3. Identify and Address Communication Patterns: What unhealthy communication patterns have developed in your marriage? Criticism? Defensiveness? Stonewalling? Contempt? (These are what researcher John Gottman calls the "four horsemen" of marriage destruction.) Confess these to each other and to God, and commit to replacing them with kindness, understanding, engagement, and respect. Consider seeing a Christian counselor if patterns are deeply entrenched.
4. Practice Forgiveness for Past Hurts: Are you harboring unforgiveness for past offenses? Have you brought up forgiven sins during arguments? Have you been keeping a mental record of wrongs? Confess this as sin, extend genuine forgiveness (even if they don't "deserve" it—you didn't deserve God's forgiveness either), and commit to letting it go. If necessary, write down forgiven offenses and then destroy the paper as a symbolic act of release.
5. Protect Your Marriage with Boundaries: Evaluate your commitments. What are you saying yes to that's stealing time and energy from your marriage? Where do you need to establish boundaries with work, extended family, children's activities, or personal hobbies? Schedule regular date nights and guard that time as zealously as you'd guard any other important appointment. Remember: your marriage is second only to your relationship with God in priority. Everything else—career, ministry, children, hobbies—comes after your spouse.
Building the Marriage God Designed
God didn't design marriage to be merely tolerable—He designed it to be a source of profound joy, intimate companionship, and mutual growth in holiness. When you build your marriage on His principles rather than cultural wisdom, you tap into divine resources that enable you to love sacrificially, forgive freely, communicate graciously, and remain committed through every season.
These five tips aren't magic formulas that eliminate all difficulty. You'll still face challenges, disappointments, and conflicts. But you'll face them with God's wisdom guiding you, His grace empowering you, and His Spirit unifying you. You'll discover that the same God who created marriage in the Garden provides everything necessary to sustain and strengthen marriage in a fallen world.
Will you commit to building your marriage on godly principles? Will you make Christ the center rather than an addition? Will you practice sacrificial love, honest communication, unlimited forgiveness, and intentional investment? The journey requires humility, persistence, and dependence on God's power. But the destination—a marriage that reflects Christ's love for His church and brings glory to God—is worth every step.